3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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