so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
