1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
