what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
