he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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