that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
