i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
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I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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