yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
