And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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