i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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