im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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