Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
