Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
