Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Randomize
