I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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