That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
They took my balls.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
