Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
