I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
