At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
