At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
