Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
