Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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