i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
