just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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