I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
