I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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