my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
