so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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