Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
