You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My cat gives me a boner
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
