So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
