You work out of a Hotel?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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