Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
