If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Actions speak louder than pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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