Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
