u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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