I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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