If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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