sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
