careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
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I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
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We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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