i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
