I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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