everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
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No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize