She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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