my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
