It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
