He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Hippo gnu deer
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
