It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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