Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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