Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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