I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Holy shit dude........stairs
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