but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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