I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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