I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
