God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Randomize
