how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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