that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
