I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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