we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
