I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
