You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
